Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
