I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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