I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize