My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
