HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
