yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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