Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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