She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize