I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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