she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
