Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
