addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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