it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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