Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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