Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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