Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my shit smells like andre
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
