On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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