it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Are we still banned from the library?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
