Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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