You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
