i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
