My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
