my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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