we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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