a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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