he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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