There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
