Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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