Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
