He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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