: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize