just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
