I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
