when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
