it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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