we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
