i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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