Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone came in the potted fern
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
