Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
