i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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