She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
