what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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