i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
