We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
