my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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