Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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