I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
