Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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