NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
