I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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