walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
