I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
