On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
