Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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