just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
