'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
