it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
