There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
