My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
