My first STD was from a foam party
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
