quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
