Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drunk is not a location!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
