I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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