is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
