no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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