new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
