Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
