Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
