I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
