The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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