I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
