In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
