There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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