Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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