Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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