Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
