Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
