When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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