Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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