Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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