I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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