I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
