I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
