If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
