It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
