dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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