she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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